Thursday, February 25, 2010 @
Self-DoubtI was clouded with self-doubt during the last floorball training. I understand that it is a niche cca in the school. I just was'nt prepared and did'nt know it was going to take a toll on me. When I was singled out for not holding the stick properly, I felt lousy. A million emotions ran through my mine. The same question that have been bugging me during the past training felt almost palpable.
''What am I doing here?''
I did'nt like floorball in the first place. I am trying to give my best and with confidence running low in the last training, I swear it affected my playing. I kept shooting blanks, way off the goalpost. Everytime the ball came to me, my first instinct is always to kick the ball. Not hit it with a stick. Oh gawd. I need to improve my hand-eye coordination. I would have loved to use hand-feet coordination. Self-doubt was clouding me whole and I stood no chance in its magnificent, almost strangling hold on me.
I sighed. I felt so weak. Mentally.
I want to prove myself in the next training. Oh gawd. Saturday got match. Where was mercy when you need it?
I will keep trying.
PonderingHow can someone's anger be...
endearing?
Signing off now.
Thursday, January 7, 2010 @
You know that I could use somebody.Results came much sooner than expected. Its next Monday. I feel so emotionally fragile right now these few days that the littlest of things can set me in an emotional frenzy.
I shut myself from the world at times.
People if you can see or infer that results are not up to expectations, dun ask because you want to know. Ask because you care. There are those who especially like to ask people how much they scored. And
ironically they always ask those who they presume are weaker than them. So by knowing and making the person acknowledge the fact that they are weaker gives these horrid people feel better about themselves. Others just want satisfaction that they beaten their bitter rivals in terms of academics. Horrid people.
Do not cry because its over.
Smile because it happened.
As for the results on Monday, what will be will be.
Signing off now.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009 @
Hey you! The stupid one! Why dream so big when you might not achieve them? Know your limits. When you cannot reach your goals, are you going to crash and burn?!Now that I got your attention, perhaps some of you are feeling insecure about yourself. Be in in looks, academics or ambitions. Ever experience that you want to achieve something and someone tells you straight to you face that you simply can't that you think too much of yourself to think you can achieve such things? That is how I feel right now. I am already clouded with so much self doubt. I did not ask for any encouragement neither did I expect any. Discouraged. I don't think people understand or would understand.
ImagineYou may say that I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will be as oneTrying to salvage every ounce of courage and self esteem.
Signing off now.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009 @
The reason I choose not to become one because I do not want to put myself in a position where I am judged and make myself clouded with self doubt. That I am not good enough. That I just could not cut it.
I was the last to know.
A little more humanity please.
Signing off now.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009 @
We Were'nt Born To Follow.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009 @
O levels is officially over.
Indulge myself with lots of computer and television. Namely, watched episodes of Legend of the Seeker and a couple of movies and dramas The Mentalist.
I soooooo want to buy the book by Terry Goodkind Wizard's First Rule of which the Legend of the Seeker is based on.
I wanna run to a cave.
I have a constant urge to keep on eating. Need to hit the gym real soon. Maybe I should run at the stadium. Going gym makes me nervous. All those really muscular people and athletic ones go there and it always makes me feel like a skinny wimp in comparison. Aarg. I need to run.
Richard Cyper!
Anticipating New Moon!
Signing off now.
Saturday, September 19, 2009 @
Liverpool versus West Ham match later. Hoping they win by a huge margin. Torres seems ineffective these days. Perhaps its because so many defenders are marking him since he is one of the most accomplished strikers in the English Premier League. Yossi Benayoun and Dirk Kuyt have been scoring goals. Hoping Rafa would always put these two in the starting team. The absence of Xabi Alonso seems to leave a hole in Liverpool.
Lee Min Ho
Currently watching Mackerel Run starring Lee Min Ho. He very cute in the drama. Teehee. I am watching dramas in the midst of 'O' lvls. I have got to put a stop to this.
There is only Chemistry Paper One left next week. Frankly, I am not waiting in anticipation for the results because its going to be very demoralizing.
All the more worth fighting for.
Signing off now.